In a Funk...

I have planted myself right in the middle of a funk. It sucks. I feel like I'm drowning. My house is overwhelming me, my bedroom is more like a laundry forest, I am still rummaging through clothes for the kids that are a whole size smaller. GEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZ it's doing my head in. I haven't been able to keep up with my laundry, so we wash and wear the same thing weekly (Yep I'm so not even joking) I feel like I am back to being a fatty boombah, can't seem to get that together (hence no fat blog posts) and to top it off....I don't know how to get out.

HELP!!

5 years old ALREADY?!?!!??!?!??!!

That's right--my first born, my baby, my little boy....is 5. Where on earth did the time go? I can vividly remember his birth and the moment I laid eyes on him. I was smitten. He stole my heart instantly and I knew I'd never be the same!

Here we are 5 years later and I still find myself speechless. He is amazing (and naughty. He is one of the funniest kids I have ever met. He makes me laugh, sometimes so much that I am crying. He thinks it's hilarious to call me "Crysssal" and tell me that I am "the best cooker in the whole world!". He loves to cook, color, garden, throw his little brother around and make lots of noise. He loves nothing more than running down the hallway at 4:45 in the morning as well. Definitely not my FAVORITE part of him lol!

He is starting kindergarten (reception) in January and I can't believe that we are beginning the long road of school 5 days a week. I am excited and scared. I want to protect him but want to teach him how to be his own person. I am really looking forward to the things that he learns, seeing more of his personality and just getting to know 5 year old Ethan. As much as he is growing up, I will always see my little boy.

Thank you Ethan, thank you for teaching me about me. For laughing with me, loving me and for the sweet hugs you give me. You are a light. A joyful and amazing spirit. You are the reason I am who I am today. You make my life even more amazing that I thought it could ever be. Thank you for picking me despite my failures. I love you. More than words.....I love you.

His first day at child care!

Ezra is growing up WAY too fast.  He had his first day at child care today and he did so well!  I am home with P and it is strange to have so much quiet!  Really looking forward to having some time with her and some peace!  He went straight in, played, said goodbye and was enjoying himself!  Can't wait to pick him up today!

Not that I have to explain....

But I will.

I have deactivated my Facebook.  Many will not notice, others will take offense, some will think I've deleted and blocked them, some will understand, and most will just go "meh".  There are those who follow our life that will miss seeing my updates, watching my children grow, hearing my annoying whinging and complaining and everything else that comes with Facebook friendship.  These people are more than likely the ones who are friends out side of cyber space.

Now don't get me wrong--I LOVE TECHNOLOGY (but not as much as you...you see)!  I mean hellloooo I met the love of my life and my baby(s) daddy online.  I don't however love the rest of the shit (yep shit) that comes along with it. Let the rant begin........


I like real friendship...no wait. I LOVE real friendship. You know, the kind that involves hugs and not pokes, real board games instead of animal raising, crop growing, "Please give me coins" crap, seeing peoples children change from visit to visit instead of comparing pictures of them in the last 3 months.  REAL LIFE.  The kind that can be ugly, have a messy house, last minute coffee catch ups with kids nearly wrecking the cafe, etc.

I really hate hearing someones say "Oh I saw that on Facebook" when you haven't heard from the person in weeks or months!  Having them talk about how funny my status was when they never really laugh at my jokes in life, or better yet, having them tell me that they were offended because I said I hated Katie Perry (you know not really hated, but yeah) and I wrote a note about it.

I read somewhere that Facebook is "friendship without effort". Do we really think this kind of friendship is good?  Does hiding someones entire profile because they annoy you go to show that hey, maybe, just maybe you shouldn't be friends with this person at all?  Or rolling your eyes because someone posts 10,000 pictures of their baby because they are proud that there was a wee in the toilet?  If I am at all any of these to you...do not be friends with me.  This is who I am. I rant, I rave, I gloat, I get excited of wee's in the toilet and best of all, I adore my children.  So forgive me if my amazing children offend you.....breathe......

Knowing that someone has the privilege of seeing my beautiful life but having no outside interaction with it, really does irk .It really really frustrates me.

I have my own insecurities and Facebook really does fuel them.  To see a friend check in at a play cafe near me with other friends of ours but yet I wasn't invited, really hurts. Or to have someone cancel a play date because they have a sick kid, but their mate checks them in together at a play date just 10 minutes after they cancel with me really hurts.  Seeing people comment on how they miss each other even though they just hung out yet one of them never wants to catch up with me or tells me just how much she misses me and yes, while that sounds like a "woe is me" sentence, it still really does hurt me.  I find myself getting more and more insecure at times because Facebook really does tell all and half of the time it is telling me that people prefer to look at my life instead of be a real part of it.   This is me being so transparent that I will probably want to run away after I publish it, but it's the truth.

Yes these reasons highlight my RIDICULOUS insecurities and they show just how annoyingly sensitive I can be, but to be honest, that's is ok with me.  My friendship is worth more than "no effort".  I have spent most of my life trying to convince myself that I am awesome.  Because I really am awesome!. I am caring, loving, generous, funny, real and a bit sensitive.  It makes me who I am.

My leaving Facebook is more about me than anyone else.  It is sorting out my own head.  It is me, releasing dead friendships.  It is me requiring true friendship instead of convenient friendship. Don't get me wrong, I will more than likely be friends with most of the people in my life because I really suck and cutting ties, but this really will help me.

Not to mention my biggest little is going to kindergarten (reception) next term and I really want to spend as much time as I can with him.

This might have offended you....I want to say I am sorry for it if it does, but I can't.  I can't change how I feel.

So if you want to keep up with the Dodson's, this is the place. For at least the rest of the year. I'll come back to Facebook because my family is there and they don't get the opportunity to see us, so it really isn't fair for them.

So good-bye Facebook for now.....

And I am really sorry to those who are far away that don't get to see as much of us as before.  But I promise to keep this blog up todate!

Life....

Is amazing!  I am so so so loving our sweet little family!  We are really enjoying getting to know Piper and her little personality. She thinks Ethan is the funniest thing ever and is  pretty much smitten with her mama!  She is sleeping beautifully for 8-10hrs a night and we feel so refreshed!  Although, I am planning to put her in her own room soon so wondering if that will change things.  Hope not!  She's been having day sleeps in there so I'm really hoping she is going to get used to it quick!  Will be nice to have her in her own room and have my space back! 


We have one more term before Ethan starts school full time and I can't believe it!  He really is such a little man. He loves being involved in EVERYTHING and just really being a part.  He helps me cook, helps me clean, looks after his brother sometimes if I need to shower and is just all around helpful. Yes, sometimes he doesn't listen and is 4 still, but for the most part he is pretty cool! 

Ezra is going to start childcare one day a week next term. I am excited and nervous for him.  From the time I was pregnant with him, I always felt really protective and that I'd need to really watch him.  I know that I have to trust Jesus with their lives, but it still feels like I have to protect him the most.  He is a sweet kid with a mean streak though and can really hold his own.  I think 1 day a week will do him good!

Piper is almost 5 months and I can't remember it going this fast ever. She is trying to roll over, loves trying to hold her bottle herself and wants to be in everything.  She loves her little bouncy seat and her jumperoo!   I am excited that she is coming more and more into herself.  I just want to cherish every moment with her.

All in all we are doing amazing.  I am a bit homesick and wishing I could just up and move.  To be in a place where I'll have lots of support would be amazing. I know I am a mom and it is my job to be a mom, but sometimes parents need a break and we rarely get that.  But for now I will trust that even though its hard and lonely sometimes, I am in the place I am meant to be....for now.

And she's here....

The HBA2C of Piper May

I can't tell my birth story without the back story of my first 2 births.

My son Ethan was born via "emergency" c-section after the cascade of intervention lead to "fetal distress".  I was induced with him because I am a diabetic mom and the OB felt my belly and said he was at least 10lbs.  So being naive and a first time mom I went with the flow.  As you can imagine, I had the gels, then the drip, then an epidural and low and behold 14hrs later my son arrived via c-section. I wasn't too upset about it as I was told I did what was best for my son at the time.

Our 2nd pregnancy was great, I had spoken to the hospital about a VBAC and they were all on board until about 38 weeks.  An OB told me to tactlessly that if my baby died because I had chosen a VBAC, it was my fault.  He then asked me if I was willing to live with that forever.  Needless to say I was scared as I had never thought about my baby dying in child birth.  So instead of sticking to my well researched guns, I gave into fear and my son was born via c-section again.  On Midwife told me after this birth that now I'd be destined to have c-sections from here on out.  I was adamant that it was not going to happen.  I developed an infection shortly after my  birth and almost died.  This solidified in my mind and heart that I would never have another c-section again.

I got pregnant 9 months later only to lose that pregnancy at about 13 weeks. I was devastated but even more determined to birth naturally when and if we got pregnant again.

Sure enough we fell pregnant 4 months after our miscarriage and we began researching our options.  My husband was a bit leery about home birthing (as was I) but we soon realized that this was probably our only chance of having a natural delivery.  We both knew that there were risks, and upon more researching, surrounding myself with other home birth families and overcoming my fear, we decided to have this baby at home.

We met with a wonderful midwife who suited us just perfectly. She felt like a part of the family already.  So we made the decision and went on the path of homebirth.

My antenatal care was beautiful. No fear, no pressure, no words of fetal death, nothing.  It was glorious. I enjoyed this pregnancy so much more than my previous and knew we had made the right decision.

I had a window of 3 days as to when I thought my baby was due and between ultrasound and my last period, we knew the day was fast approaching.

On Thursday April 21st, I woke up with what I thought were stomach pains at about 1 am. Headed into the toilet thinking I needed to do some business and then back to bed.

Fast asleep till 4 am when the stomach pains started again. I honestly thought I just needed the bathroom again but my sweet husband had taken notice that the pains were coming regularly and started timing my groans.  Every 4 minutes they would come and this made us realize it was more than likely labor.  At about 5 he said we thought he should stay home since it would take him an hour to get to work and an hour and a half to get home should I need him quick.  I got back up to use the bathroom and found that my mucous plug was coming out.  This pretty much solidified his decision to stay home.
I rang my midwife Julie to let her know that things were moving, but I thought it would still be awhile. She said to call her when I wanted her to come and that she'd be on her way.  Little did I know that she was up and getting ready as she could hear me trying to talk through my contractions. I called my other support person Carmen and she asked if I wanted her here yet and I said "oh whenever" but she listened to me talk through a contraction and said she was leaving then. 
By this time my oldest sonhad woken up and Hubby explained to him that I was in labor and he knew that meant his baby sister was on her way. So he stayed around the place talking to me, building his Lego helicopter and asking if I was ok. He was very interested in why I was hurting, but wasn't afraid or worried about me.

By now my contractions were getting stronger and a bit closer together, about 3 minutes apart.  Carmen arrived about 7ish (I think) and my contractions were up to 2 minutes apart and pretty intense.  I couldn't speak through them and they were starting to last a fair while.  

Within a few contractions things changed drastically. The noises that were coming out of my mouth were strange to me as I am not a screaming type of person but I could tell things were changing.It was transition time! I messaged my  midwife who was stuck in morning traffic and she said she'd be here shortly.  

By now it was around 8 am and my contractions were 50sec to a minute apart and I was not handling it.  I felt like I needed to push but was not so secretly freaking out that my midwife wasn't there yet. I told Jared and Carmen I needed to push and both of them encouraged me to hold off which felt like the dumbest suggestion ever!Within minutes my midwife arrived and a wave of peace hit me.  When she walked in, cupped my face and said "Oh you have labor face".  Without a hello or any greeting I said "I HAVE TO PUSH" and she sweetly replied "ok so push" but then suddenly I started to REALLY freak out

"I can't push!  What if she's not ready" "What if I'm not Ready" omg omg omg. "it hasn't been very long"  In my mind labor was meant to drag on for hours and possibly days!  But I had only been in labor that morning and it all felt way too soon! But my midwife reminded me that things are different at home and that they can go fast or slow.  So I gave in to what I was feeling.

I moved over to the couch and only stayed sitting for a few pushes when I knew I had to move. I got down on all fours and rested my arms on the couch.  The pushing commenced.  It was the most incredible and freaky feeling to have no control over my body.  The sheer force that my body was pushing was not worth fighting so I went with it. My body was made for this I kept telling myself. Soon I felt a pop and a gush and knew that some of my waters had broken.  There was a bit of meconium staining in them but nothing to be concerned with.  Julie checked the baby's heartbeat and all was great. She was very happy in there despite being squished.   My husband and youngest son sat wide eyed as they watched the amazing birth progress.


Soon enough I felt the stinging and heard Julie telling me to slow down my pushing and to go slowly. I *THINK* I did my best to do that even though I was just going with what my body was doing.  Soon the fire passed I felt a big gush and a relief.  I heard some gurgling and looked at Jared and said "IS THAT MY BABY!?!!"  soon she was on my chest, gooey, bloody and cuddling with her mama. 


We moved to the couch after a bit of cuddling and left the cord attached to the placenta to keep pulsing for a good 40 minutes. Then I had the most amazing hot shower and delivered my placenta.

We were in awe.  I was amazed that I had been able to actually do it. Not because I didn't believe in myself but because so many had instilled so much fear in me the last few years about a natural birth after c-section (let alone a home birth.)  In my mind birth was supposed to be long and drawn out, but this little girl was born in less than 5 hrs 

Piper May weighed in at a healthy 10lb4oz, 20.1inces (51cm) and a head circ of 14.6inches (37cm) 
She is the perfect addition to our perfect little family.

Down to the business end....

Yep we're getting close!  38 weeks along and just waiting for this little girl to decide when she wants to arrive. 

Here is my 37 week shot!

It is so interesting sitting here wondering about all that is to come.

How our life will be different with this new little life in it. 
How will we change as parents? 
Are girls REALLY that different to boys?
Will she be sassy? (even though I have a feeling I know that answer)
What will she look like?
Will she have hair? Be the same skin tone as her brothers?
Will the boys just adore her?

So many exciting things to anticipate!  We are so overwhelmed with love for her already that meeting her will only be that much more amazing!

The pregnancy has been a breeze! I have been super tired ALL the time, but I think that has more to do with the 2 crazy awesome boys I chase daily.  Not to mention that sleep has never been a friend of mine and even more so in this pregnancy. 

My body has coped really well too. My back has never been better (thanks to God and my Chiro!)  I've put on a little more weight that the last few pregnancies, but nothing I am even worried about.  I am almost sad to see this time go. I love love love feeling her squirm on the inside, but cannot wait to snuggle her on the outside!

My sweet little miss, ready to come when you are gorgeous!